Thursday, 19 October 2017

Spectrums of Life


I've started blogging cause other social platforms would limit the amount of words you're typing and even when they allow you to type it all out, no one really has the time for it. Our reading habit has definitely evolved throughout the years. Let's take how we get our news for example. It used to be either the local newspapers and magazines to electronic news and Facebook. Yeap. Admit it, most of us get our news updates through social medias. Even then, we prefer news in the form of videos cause we're just that lazy to read nowadays. It's exhausting. Watching videos on the other hand is like having a servant to feed you, just open your mouth and you're full. That's how new platforms like NowThis or AJ+ got really famous. They act as our servant. Oh, wait. Or is it the other way around..

Anyway, blogging's different. On Facebook, people expect everything to be fast. If there's a bloody long post, chances are you're gonna skip it. Well, it's social media, not some essay writing shit. Those who voluntarily clicked on a blog's link, like the angel reading this right now, you're expecting to have a good long read. You're less likely to click away (please don't). But hey, view counts don't bother me at all. If you're here, either you love me or you were on my Instagram bio and you were curious. And ily too.

In this blog post, I'm just writing down my thoughts, whatever thoughts that came through my mind this week and just thought it would be great to share my thoughts. Taught thought thoughts. Hmm. See what I just did there? I'm writing them thoughts down.

Life is definitely not black and white. We can all at the very least agree on that. Everything and i do mean every single thing has a spectrum of variation. Life is just created unique like that. We are gonna find two very extreme part of the spectrum, and also everything in between it. I'm gonna start this with a simple and obvious example. Skin tone! There're those really dark ones on one end of the spectrum and there're those really fair ones on the other end. Then there's also all those who are in between the two extremes. If this example triggered anger in you, try these relaxing techniques.
PC user: Press Alt + F4
Smartphone user: Look for nearest window.. throw it away. Throw your anger, not your phone.

Now for some less obvious example. In the extroversion spectrum, we have extremes like introverts and extroverts. If you fall in the middle then you're called an ambivert. Of course, nothing in life is definite. Don't get yourself stuck in a label. You might be somewhere in between an introvert and ambivert. Yeah, cause we're all unique in our own ways. Got it?

Hopefully we're still on the same boat when it comes to this concept in life. It's always a spectrum.
And when there's a spectrum, there will always be someone who falls somewhere in between that spectrum.

Now let's discuss on something harder (even for me) to swallow. Earlier this week, two different specialists discussed about the LGBT community in my class. Then during one of the outing with my squad, they too brought up this topic to the table. Which got me thinking, perhaps this community is more common then I previously thought. If that's the case, could this be just another spectrum of life? Being straight on one end. Being L or G on both ends. B is right in the middle. Well I can't explain on T though.

Next example. Earlier this week during a teaching session, we studied a 17 year old patient who just got diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus. Life could be pretty unpredictable. If you're destined to be on that one end of the spectrum, you will be. She will be sitting for her SPM in few months time. She said she wouldn't want any of her friends to know about it. She's only 17 and she has already started her life long medication. She was friendly and would answer the questions we threw to her, but i can sense a tinge of denial. Then again, who wouldn't? It's the first stage of grief. Getting a chronic disease at a young age. Unable to reveal her 'dark' side to her friends, afraid of losing them; bearing the shame. Wherever you are now, I'll pray for your success in life. Stay strong buddy.

That's about it.
Spectrums of life or call it whatever you want but that's the way it is.
Just something I've been thinking about lately.

Sunday, 3 September 2017

Aiman Azlan and My Regrets


Semester break! One of those rare moments of (almost) no work and all play. With all the free time I finally got a chance to finish reading some of the books I've always wanted to read but never got the chance to. One of them is 'The Other Side of the Coin' by Aiman Azlan and Ameen Misran.
Yes! #SupportLocalAuthors

Well I bought the book mainly because of Aiman Azlan and here's the story of how I get to know him.

Back in my matriculation days (I'm not as old as it sounds), I was given the responsibility of leading a campaign called 'Islamic Awareness'. Being a naive kid that I was, I agreed. That 'oh shit' moment hit me when i realised there are two main problems. I have zero experience in leading campaigns and my knowledge of Islam is really superficial.

I tried to calm myself down.

Don't worry too much. You got this man!
Muslims pray 5 times a day, fast during Ramadan and everyone has to cover their awrah.
Alright! Lets make everybody more aware about that.

During the planning process, we have a slot for a motivational talk. Everyone's brainstorming on the topic as well as which speaker to invite. One of the committee members suggested Aiman Azlan!

My reaction was like, 'Aiman who?' Raising an eyebrow.

'Aiman Azlan! You know, that famous (good looking) Malaysian Youtuber studying in Canada.'

I put 'good looking' in a bracket because I wasn't certain if she said that but she was fangirling while suggesting. So even if she didn't say it, I knew deep down, she wanted to.

Okay, so we're not only gonna talk about Aiman Azlan in this blog entry. I'm also gonna talk about me. Well because this is my blog and what I did was probably the worst mistake in my life.
Just keep in mind that with my zero experience, I was a terrible event organizer.

Aiman Azlan, despite being Youtube famous and an oversea graduate, is one of the nicest and humblest guy I've ever met. A wise man too and i mean it. He was willing to speak for free after we told him about our tight budget. We just have to provide him shelter for the night. The committees waited him at the guard house, brought him to the guest house and we even had dinner together before the talk which was held in the college mosque after the Magrib prayers. Everything was smooth. The talk started and I sat on the last row with some of my Muslim friends.

I'm gonna go on a tangent here just to point out how uncomfortable it can be for a Chinese dude like me to enter the mosque. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful place and non Muslims are welcomed too. It's just that I'm not used get all those eyes staring me.

It's not that angry 'Hey what's he doing here?!' kinda of stare but that rather friendly 'Hey look, there's a chinese here' kinda stare. Or maybe it's just my tendency to overthinking and complicate all things.

Back to the story, the throughout the talk, I was really tired and i even got a headache. Running a week long campaign was draining. Towards the end of the talk, I wasn't feeling good and decided to walk back to my room and have some rest. Everything went smoothly so far and the talk was ending real soon. What could possibly go wrong?

When a story asked 'What could possibly go wrong?' anything that can go wrong, will.

I remembered vividly lying down on my bed before getting a text from my friend. He told me that he saw Aiman Azlan walks around the mosque and later walks back to the guest house all alone, unaccompanied.

Invited a somebody to an event without paying him a single cent, the least the organisers should do is to thank him after the event and escort him back for some rest. But nooo, the person in charge decided to go back to his room early and leaving the Aiman Azlan all alone after the event ended. I was and still am ashamed. God knows I much I hated myself back then.

Acting on my natural guilt, I apologized through emails and the forgiving soul was really calm and cool about it.

I was touched by the way he reacted and yes, he's definitely someone I idolize.

It has been 3 years. People grow and hopefully wiser by age.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you Mr Aiman Azlan. I wasn't polite addressing you as Aiman back then plus reading back on those emails, I sounded like a kid!

Thank you so much for being kind. Thank you for pardoning my messy management. Thank you for inspiring and empowering thousands of youth in Malaysia through your educational programs.

May God bless you and your family.

Monday, 14 August 2017

One More (Light) Too Many

2016/2017 was a great term. It was my first clinical year. Started fresh. Constructing goals and planning my year ahead. Convincing myself that this term would be much better from the previous two. I consider this my honeymoon year. Extremely excited for clinical teachings and finally being able to do things my way. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything would go well, and it did!

Here are some highlights throughout the year.

I fell in love (professionally) with the patients in the ward. Kelantanese are among the nicest people I've met in my two decades of living. We medical students have to practice our History Taking skills which can be lengthy, but it's crucial in process of making the right diagnosis. It would really make my day if my patient (despite being ill) is willing to share their story. Some even share their personal life stories and it's really interesting to see where they came from.

The kids in Paediatrics ward stole my heart away. It's an amazing feeling of happiness sprinkled with satisfaction when we get to see a worn-out and helpless looking child on admission who recovers throughout the treatment and suddenly turns into a mini happy monster running around the ward. Oh oh, there was once when I carried a child with Down Syndrome with no stranger anxiety and she was looking at me with her innocent googly eyes. She slept too not long after I carried her. I had that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Could be my fatherly instinct, you'll never know.

Throughout the year, aside from clinical stuff, I was pretty satisfied with everything. I got to represent my campus for a Frisbee Tournament. Might not sound like much, but being a potato that I am, it's certainly an achievement worth noting down.

Started joining volunteering programs! That's another tick off my non-existing, imaginary bucket lists. Ran a Charity Breakfast program in my school. It's a small program. But hey, for an idea that i got while thinking in the shower, it turned out pretty great. Couldn't have done it without my inspiring team though. 

It's not always sunshine and rainbows, here in Siang's land.
I have my gloomy days too and seems like monsoon came early this year.

I owe it to my complicated mind. I have the tendency to overthink things which would induce unnecessary stress. I kept it to myself. I mean, everyone would get stressed out at one point. Mine happens to be now and i just have to deal with it. 

It's scary when you can relate to most of the depressive songs in LP's new album, One More Light. Favourite album by far in 2017! 

I do not have clinical depression, but I was depressed. Concentrating on my daily task is a struggle. I sleep a lot. I contact my family less frequently. Socializing is exhausting. The only thing i look forward to is going to bed; foolish attempts of sleeping it off. I started having nightmares. I began to lose hold of myself. Everything seems so heavy and I cried.

Hey, I'm no superhuman. 

I didn't open up, at first. I tried hard to bury it hoping that no one would notice the loose dirt. 
One might say opening up will make us look weak but I don't believe in that bs. I did not open up because opening up to the wrong person is just as useless. So putting on a smiley mask was better option.

In the end, I did find my way to open up and trust me, talking helps a lot.
Along the way, I've learn that if you can't take good care of yourself, nobody else will. Know that even the rarest disease is shared by few. Whatever your situation may be, odds are, there will be those who has the same experience as you. We're never alone with our problems. You just got to find the right support group. Seek help from professionals if you have to.

Open up a picture file of a beautiful scenery and zoom it to it's smallest pixel.
That's how we see life when we're too focus on one particular problem in our life.

When in reality, if we open our mind (zoom out), live a little more (enjoy the details)

and live our life as a whole (look at the scenery as a whole), this world is a wonderful place be live in.

Hakuna Matata babeh.

Saturday, 27 June 2015

Love Hate Relationship: LGBT

Today we witness the rainbows (close enough) on Facebook.

The on going debate regarding LGBT rights is never ending

and here are my thoughts..

My principle is simple. Respect unless they have crossed the line.

And I really respect those who do things I can't do (practically everyone).

With 7 billions of people on Earth, it's almost impossible for everyone to be on the same page.

Unless an alien spaceship attacked Earth, then everyone will unite.

Until then, humans are too ignorant to realize the importance of unity.

Blindfolded by fame and fortune.

Back to the LGBT topic.

I really do believe everyone can hold on to what they believe in, unless it's inflicting pain to others.

Same sex marriage ain't gonna have someone killed.

In fact, it would kill you softly instead if you can't be with someone you're in love in.

Being madly in love only to learn that there's a huge barrier in between you.

Let it be sex, culture or religion.

I use to admire a girl form a different religion before. Then the barrier sets in.

And that feeling wasn't pleasant at all.

I respect the legalization of gay marriage, unless they started encouraging people to join.

Now that's crossing the line. Keep it to yourself would ya?

Speaking bout religions.

Countless religions do not support the LGBT communities.

It's perfectly understandable why.

But again, don't start to preach to those who are not even your religion to begin with.

We can see preacher wannabes on social media hurling brickbats to those so called sinners.

Highlighting their wrongs wouldn't make you any holier, will it?

Don't hate people just because they sin differently from you.

Pray for them in the silent if it would makes you feel any better.

Don't paint rainbows to your profile pictures just because everyone else is doing it.

I don't paint it as I don't fully support it nor do I hate it.

I respect everyone's believe in general. Just don't cross the line.

Don't we have bigger problems to ponder upon?

Islamic States killing more people claiming that it's Jihad for Ramadhan.

Extreme monks attacking Muslim minorities in Burma.

Overly corrupted politicians.

Now that really disgust me.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

What Most University Freshmen Would Miss Out In Their Preparation.

Congratulations to you, future university freshman !

From that very day you got your offer letter, life sorta changes huh?
No more sleeping or gaming to kill most of your holidays.
Gone are the unproductive days. Haha.

From bank accounts to going on a shopping spree.
Replicating documents, booking of hotel, basically trying to fulfill every requirements before the big day.

What happens if one small problem problem unexpectedly pop out ?

Haha, it's normal to overreact, don't worry about it.
We tend to make sure everything is perfect. I mean, who don't right?

What if I tell you, most typical freshmen would miss out on one important thing;

Mental Preparation.

Being mentally prepared  is vital. How and why? Keep on reading!

1. Know Your Course!
Sounds simple enough. Everybody know the name of their respective course.
But what most of the 'everybody' don't know is how their course is gonna kill them.
In fact, most student's are clueless about they're about the learn.
Worse yet for those who were indirectly forced to accept that course that they didn't even know existed!

How? : Do a little bit of research regarding your course before your freshman year kick starts.
Identify which part you're interested in, and which part you're not.

Why? : A simple quote should answer this question. 'Know your enemy better than you know yourself '
When the hard part of your course comes, you wouldn't have mental breakdown as you knew it all along that it's coming.

2. Write a Letter to Future You!
Oh c'mon, don't call me a weirdo just yet. I am not!


Ok maybe I am, but that's no my point.

Yes, write to your future self.
Before getting anything start, write on why you started all this at the first place!

How? : Here are some examples.

-I want to make my parents proud and repay them one day.
-I do it for the love of animals and humanity
-I will be an entrepreneur.
-I will not drink or smoke.
-I am gonna get a first class degree and get a well paid job.

Please only write down positive things. Unlike these..

-I hate myself.
-I don't deserve anything.
-I'm a weirdo, my blog readers said so.

You get what I mean.

Why? : Being away from your family and spending a few of years in some foreign state ain't easy.
Being blasted with multiple workload and external pressure is unbearable.
At times, we will break down and cry.
Or, we got so carried away by the freedom that we forget why are we here in the first place.

At these moments, it's the perfect time for you to look back at the letter you wrote before you enter the university. The letter will help you get back on the right track. Maybe even a small motivation to pick yourself up after breaking down.

Now you know why negative statements are not allowed.
Imagine having a mental breakdown and reading back your letter saying 'I hate my ugly face'

Bammm, instant suicide.
Suicide is never an option though.
If the letter doesn't work, give your parents a call or get help from friends. Get some professional help if needed.

Mental health is very real and scientifically proven.
Mental health awareness in our country is still very weak.
Here's an example, depression is not something you can get over with that easily.
Some are genetic. Some are that bad that medications are needed to ease your pain.

3. Have low expectations and be open minded.

Never have an assumption that your life there is gonna be a good one.
Large hostel rooms, clean toilets, everybody is your friend, rainbows shows up evening and unicorns exist.

If you expect your room to be like this.. 

And this is how your room really looks like..

Your face would be like this..

Be reminded that you're there to get your degree. Not a 4 years vacation.

Having low expectation about everything is good.
Expect everything to be perfect and if something is not, you would freak out.
Unnecessary stress in born.

Yeah, be open minded too considering you'll be with people from all walks of life.
Most of the universities even have international students coming in.

All different culture, background, race and religion.
But it doesn't really matter.
They are as different to us, then we are to them.

Don't hate people because they're different.
Hating for the right reason is as wrong as hating for no reason at all.

After all, we're only humaaan.
Read that again with some Christina Perri's tune. Haha.
Oh, not a fan of her. Never mind..

That's about it for this entry.
Tell me what you guys think in the comment section below.

To all freshmen! Especially to those who are leaving your nest for the first time,

I wish you all the best and do your friends & family a favour do take care of yourself.
With that said, lets usher in the new chapter of our lives.

Viva la Vida!

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Top Achievers Not Getting Their Desired Course (Medicine)

Problem: Top Achievers Not Getting Their Desired Course (Medicine)

MoE's Explanation: Only 418 students were offered Medicine courses after discussing with MoH and MMC regarding the skyrocketing number of medical students.

PKR's Response: MoE's action was 'absurd'. PKR urged the MoE to remove its newly-imposed restrictions on entry to medical programs at public universities.

Here goes my worthless (not even worth 2 cents) opinion..

What the Govt did (reducing medical students) was the right move to do!
Considering there are only a few training hospitals in our country.
HO training qualities dropped over the decades as the medical students bloomed.
PKR doesn't seems know the actual situation when they demand the removal of the restrictions.

BUT, implementing this means that MoE must properly filter the medical students that they are accepting. Discrimination and racial factors are to be put aside.
For those who got filtered out, they deserve at least a feedback stating the 'whys' on their failure.
Instead of leaving them in a blank state of mind.

1. STPM vs Matriculation Argument. 

It's obvious that the 4.00 CGPA for STPM > 4.00 CGPA for Matriculation.
It came out in the news once; stating that Matriculation has the same standard as STPM.

Both are equivalent alright. But their standards are definitely not the same.
This is why STPM is recognized worldwide but only certain overseas universities recognizes Matriculation.

Going back to the problem, TOO MANY 4 FLAT students not getting medicine.
I caps locked them. Too many 4 flat-ers.
Solution? Reduce 4 Flat students by increasing the standard for Matriculation exams.
(but sadly it's very unlikely for this to happen due to certain aspects)

Fyi: I'm against universities only accepting 4 Flat students for Medicine courses.

2. Typical Malaysia Mindset

Doctor = Rich + Good Life. This equation was valid. Not anymore.
It's people who go for medicine for the fame and fortune that contributes to the increase death rate as the result of human/medical error. Doctor ain't a easy job bro.

Here's something interesting..
In the UK, when doctor graduates and work for their first time, they called it 'Killing Season' & 'Black Wednesday'. Death rates rises by 6 %. You would be killing people and get away with it if you're not sued.
Check it out here.

Yes, human can't avoid mistakes. In fact, a lot of doctors make mistakes multiple times.
But they don't just go around and tell everyone that. All doctors can do is to minimize them.

How to avoid this type of mindset? Educate the people. (Govt plays a huge role)
Expose students to what is going on around them.
More importantly, help them to explore ALL the courses available.
Broaden up their views or they will be brainwashed by either their family or the pressure from the society to take up medicine for the moneyyy.


Let's face it. Opposition will tend to go against the Govt most of the time.
It's kinda their job (it is) and I did not say that this is a bad thing.
For the Govt to implement something new, please go all out and not *melepaskan batuk di tangga*.
(Wah I still remember peribahasa xD)

I do apologize in advance if any of my statements were inappropriate / incorrect.
(I'm just a kid ~(._.)~ )

Merely sharing my opinion and has no intention to take side on any political parties.
( I dislike politics )

Feel free to comment and share your thoughts.. If you want to, that is.
( DO IT ! )

Monday, 4 August 2014


Haven't posted any new entry for a month now.

I've been writing some stuff but i just didn't want to post them yet.
Some were sensitive and some are not quite ready. Plus I'm too shy to post it. Yes, I'm shy. Deal with it.

Well, what's this entry about? Just to express what I've been thinking lately.


If you didn't know, I finished my matriculation and I'm currently waiting for my university offer result (UPU).
Then it got me thinking. I didn't get any scholarships. I'm going to appley for the government loan (PTPTN).
Everything a typical student would be.
Looking at my friends, a lot of them are going to overseas for their degree.
Yeah, some are fully supported by their family and some are fully sponsored (or loans) by organisations.
It's a bitter feeling. Knowing that perhaps I didn't try my best to grab the chances of studying abroad.
I know, studying locally ain't that bad.
But the course that I wanted is not in the local government university.
I had to choose the one closest to it.
The environment would be like Matriculation all over again with a more freedom of course.
Which is not something i'm looking forward to.


Well, on the bright side..
Everyone should be grapefruit for what they get right? I suppose.
Not everybody will get a chance to even have the proper education.
At least, we're not living in a war zone.

Nick Vujicic have no limbs and he's successful. 

Sam Berns has a extremely rare medical condition, but he's still happy.

Their life problems make mine look like a dust.

Bottom line is, there's always two sides to your situation. Positive and Negative.
It's normal to have days where you surrender yourself to your negative thoughts.
But just bear in mind that there always a positive side for you to look at.
Greener side or the silver lining or whatever side you wanted to call it.

Turn your nothing into something.
Good luck for your UPU result.

The difference between a successful person is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. -Vincent Lombardi